That was me on the left the happy unhealthy overweight girl, all 220 pounds of me, on vacation in the Middle East nine years ago. At that time I believed I could do anything, I didn’t think anything about how heavy I was. Honestly, it wasn’t until I got skinny and looked back at photos that I realized how big I was. I was a self-confident, independent young lady ready to make the world my bitch! I knew what I wanted, and I was taking it. I miss that girl.
Now let's talk about the picture on the top right, the unhappy skinny train wreck, I was a total babe! An absolute dime… right?? I was a size 2 weighing just under 119 pounds barely ate, didn’t exercise, just came out of a terrible relationship was stressed to the max and lived off of chocolate covered coffee beans and Grande pike place roast. Emotionally I was a disaster, everyone around me congratulated me on what I call my accidental weight loss. I was in no way shape or form trying to lose weight, but over the course of the relationship and during the breakup, stress took over and suddenly. I was buying new pants every couple of weeks as mine would fall off my body…
Fast forward two years to picture number 3 (bottom left). The workout obsessed, mentally drained unhealthy broken girl. Weighing 140 pounds, I worked my butt off at the gym and spent ridiculous amounts of money doing it. I had a personal trainer five days a week, went to the gym another four days a week and did yoga three days a week. I ate like crap and hated, I mean hated myself. In my mind, I was fat, ugly and therefore very unhappy. I had a trainer that made me feel like I was subpar as I never looked like his bikini body competitors. I hated where I lived and thought I so disgusting, and in thinking that I began to hate everything about myself and became this toxic unhappy human being. I asked myself daily how I could have let myself gain so much weight, what was wrong with me, how did I let this happen???
Now about this photo on the bottom right, I am nearly 50 pounds heavier then I was in photo three. I spent most of 2017 hating everything about myself until I woke up in late September and realized I am still me. No matter what the number on the tag of my damn clothes says, I am Tiffany- I am outrageously funny, I am a great friend, I inspire people, I work hard, I have incredible people around me, and I CAN be healthy, happy and LOVE MYSELF at any weight. So this challenge for me is a journey to having better relationships, healthier relationships with food, a balanced relationship with my body including respecting it, allowing myself to celebrate that right now I am a size 14, and I am beautiful, strong and capable of anything. Most importantly I am going to start to have a better relationship with myself; I will stop breaking agreements. For example, my favorite broken agreement is, “I’ll start my diet on Monday.” I’m old enough to know by now that I’m lucky to put my shoes on the right feet on Monday let alone start a new freaking diet. And what Monday am I waiting for, this magical Monday that will be 'the right time'? My second broken agreement is all the times I missed yoga, missed gym classes I signed up for, the thousands of dollars in Lululemon goods that I have in a drawer in my room that I swear Ill fit in to and use one day. I lie to myself all the time; I NEVER work out anymore… I say I’m going to do it and I don’t do it…… WHY AM I DOING THIS??? The final bit of my rant about my broken agreements is the two closets full of my stunning clothes (152 pieces to be exact) that I promised myself I would donate if they didn’t fit by July of 2017. I am now giving myself an extension to July 2018.
Here I am today, one month late to the Wellness Challenge, pouring my heart out to a flipping laptop ready to make a change. I started two weeks ago just watching what I ate, limited my alcohol consumption, increased my water intake, sleeping more and walking my dogs rather than letting them out in the backyard, and I am already down 9 lbs!
MY GOALS ARE
Eat properly to create habits of a healthy balanced lifestyle
LOVE MYSELF through this journey, no matter what size my pants are or how uncomfortable I feel right now, love myself- take care of myself through random acts of self-love, positive talk and working out three days a week.
Find Value in Winter along with two new activities I will commit to trying for the remainder of Winter 2018
One hour of TV max a night, I can watch more of my Netflix if I do so while working out.
Reach my goal Weight of 135, by October 2018, in a healthy fashion no fad diets, no starving myself, creating a lifestyle I can sustain
Keep agreements with Friends, colleagues and myself
I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you….Stay Tuned!